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February 1999

Have You Registered Yet?: An April Fools' Day Repeat from 1994

An extensive joke about the German bureaucracy

Agerman friend of mine, Reiner, is intensely irritated by this column. “It’s always the same,” he told me. “It starts with a stupid joke, ends with a stupid joke, and in between you make fun of our bureaucracy.” I tried to persuade him that this was not really fair. Sometimes, for example, for space reasons, I have to leave out the stupid joke at the end. And anyway, I said, the point isn’t to make fun of the German bureaucracy – after all, there are ridiculous regulations in all countries – but to help people find their way through it. Reiner wasn’t having any of it. He believes that all rules are necessary and anyone with half a brain cell can understand them on their own. We agreed to differ. This month’s topic is for you, Reiner. A new law, coming into effect on April 1, requires all residents whose mother tongue is English to register (anmelden) with the authorities annually. Until now, it has only been necessary (nötig) to register upon arrival and when you change addresses. This procedure is free and all you need to bring is your passport (Paß). All this is about to change. The so-called Englischsprechenderjahresanmeldungspflichtgesetz – a law requiring English speakers to register annually – lays down a flat fee of DM 2,000 per person (including children) to register. The registration procedure has also been made more complicated (kompliziert). As well as your passport, you must bring your birth, marriage, and death certificates, a passport-sized photo of your maternal grandmother, and work permit: i.e., documents required when applying for a residence permit. It is no longer possible for one person to register the whole family – everyone has to show up in person “suitably dressed.” But why (warum) all this duplication of form-showing? “People’s circumstances could have changed since they got their residence permits,” a spokesperson explained to Munich Found. And why has the new regulation been introduced at all? “We wanted more up-to-date records so that we could tailor the provision of services more closely to the needs of the English speakers living in our country. The DM 2,000 fee is needed to cover the administrative costs of each registration.” The new law is really about raising money (Geld). In Munich there are some 269,000 foreigners, many of whom speak English. DM 2000 a head works out to a sizeable income for the public coffers. This year’s registration will take place on April 27, when we (wir) must head to our local Englischsprechenderjahresanmeldungspflichtamt. Registration forms will be sent out April 1. Some of the questions (Fragen) on the form, however (jedoch), seem a little unnecessary to say the least. Question 4b, for example, asks: “Where did you spend the night of April 26/27?” Obviously, many people won’t be able to answer that one until “the morning after.” And what about the invasion of privacy involved? “Look, we’re not (nicht) interested in prying into people’s private affairs,” the spokesperson insisted. “We’re just trying to get a snapshot of the distribution of people across the various parts of the city.” Let’s hope those are the only snapshots they want. For further info call Herrn Reiner Blödsinn, tel. (089) 890-8900. He’ll answer all (alle) your questions. <<<

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